after a hiatus

So in 5 minutes I'm off on my bike to the chiro. I really like my chiropractor especially because not being able to exercise was getting to be a major drag. I was feeling fat and crabby. No one ever wants to feel like that, or be around me when I do. Of course, my boy was here for 3 weeks this summer. That kind of threw me off my game; when he is here I am only a satellite to the planet Cameron...all my own stuff gets forgotten and left behind.

The chiropractor showed me photos and x-rays she had taken of me. Of course I went wandering down dark tunnels wondering how I'd gotten the injuries that my x-rays indicate. But never mind. She also showed me clothed photos she'd taken to assess my symmetry.

I'm pretty sad to see how awfully out of shape I look.

Of course that got me thinking too: about not feeling safe in general and needing to be fat in order to feel safe. About food being a substitute for human touch. That eating triggers the same pleasure centers in the brain that sex does (and no, it's not as simple as just having an orgasm). I just read this morning in Science of Mind magazine that unused creative energy can cause anxiety which can then trigger hunger. Makes sense.

But what of all of that? I can't change my husband. I can do more to "create" stuff~~I've always had a lot of creative energy. But pondering why is not the same as changing my habits and getting better and being better and feeling better. I can't allow myself to sit around wallowing in self-pity.

Awesome run today.  I felt strong and I felt like I could just run and run and run.  I am also out of cigarettes. :-(
I don't really know what else to say. It feels like a constant juggling act to arrange workout, writing and social times...and I'm barely working. I don't know how people manage much else. I think I need to keep exercise as a supplementary part of my life, and not allow it to become my WHOLE life, which I totally could do, since I do love working out so much.

Gym this morning: 2 miles in 28 min; 3.1 in 45 (that'll be my time to beat tomorrow in the 5k at Pine Hills); 4.1 miles in 58 min. Now weights. Can you all just IMAGINE how much I must be eating, to exercise this much and STILL NOT BE LOSING ANY WEIGHT???
There was also 8 min on the elliptical waiting for the treadmill, and 60 minutes of weights after the treadmill. :-) Regardless of the scale, I love to feel strong and energetic. When I am exercising, I feel like I could go FOREVER and I have the sense then that ANYTHING is possible.

well today I got to wear a skirt that I really love.  Typically this skirt cannot be zipped all the way up and even partially unzipped I have, in the past, had the sense of being chopped in half by the waistband. Or by the collision of fat and limited fabric. Anyway, today I was able to zip it all the way up with no problem.  So even with no change on the scale, and I thought no change in the way my clothing fits, apparently there is SOME change happening.  :-)

Exercise feels like it's about more than "getting in shape," for me.
It seems to be about taking ownership of my body,
learning to be comfortable in my skin,
developing respect for these bones and muscles
and miracles that keep me moving every day,
and finally,
loving the vessel that creates this human experience.
What I feel most often, now, when I consider my body
ashamed and embarassed. THAT needs to change. <3

"The body has so much to teach us. It is the first book of life. It reveals the secrets of life. If you can tune into the body, you won’t have to learn the laws of health, or harmony, or love, or peace anywhere else. Your body will dictate it to you every time."

Yogi Amrit Desai

Trust + Faith

OK so apparently there's some planetary crap going on that's skewing everything. I dunno and am too lazy to research it right now.  I know that last week I was just exhausted all week, and this week had dipped into what resembled a minor depression. {i.e., unable/unwilling to shower or get out of bed.}
Yesterday I had to absolutely FORCE myself to write and it felt like torture.  I hated every minute of it.  Which is completely unusual for me. I could NOT stay focused. 
This morning I "overslept" again (8am) (dang puppy wouldn't stay out of the bed and it was HOT and since I'd also napped a lot yesterday...) but I woke up wanting like hell to work out. 
I did a quick FB check in and then rode my bike to the gym.  All the treadmills were being used so I used an elliptical for 15 minutes (wow, kicked my ass!) and then was able to secure a treadmill...3.7 miles in an hour.  I've lost some distance. :-(
But this is what I was thinking! Always thinking! I have INSISTED on living a "different" kind of life.  I don't know how I came by this mindset, except that I was completely unguided as a child so I just made up my own way of thinking and living. You all know, I value people, experiences, art, music, etc. And the life I lead tends to reflect that. (Just this morning my own mother called me "eccentric"! Really?)
So when I try to force myself to do something, I resist, by sleeping or sabotaging. I've reached a point in my life where I can differentiate between doing what feels good (hedonism) and doing what feels right (listening to God). For whatever reason, I need to work out. A lot. Hard. This is the way to make my life work well. I trust that the writing will come when it's supposed to, that a fit body will support the creation of the book.  I have to pay attention to my intuition--it speaks to me for a reason.  This is faith.
So I don't need to know or worry about knowing where things are headed; right now, I need to work out.
Cardio is done for the day, now on to weights.

Woke up early this morning.
In the dungeon I couldn't see the sun but I knew it was up so that's motivation enough to start my day.
I soon as I saw sunlight I was ready to be on the move.

I lifted weights, focused mostly on arms and abs since I can barely walk after all those squats the other day.=)
& I power walked the perimeter of the neighborhood.
All in all, again took about an hour.

Perfect timing to now get ready for work.

Also, not on the subject of fitness but I'm absolutely loving my evening, summer session class. Even though the damn things lasts nearly four hours.
Astronomy. <3.

My two favorite excuses:

"oh, I'll start tomorrow"

or

"oh, I'll do it tonight"

It's time to stop with the excuses, I'm never going to get what I want. So, I'm counting all the running I *had* been doing as a kick start and I'm not going to beat myself up over the last few weeks which have been completely unproductive.

This morning I was up at 7 am.

Lifted weights and ran a quick jog around the neighborhood.

All in all it took me about an hour. 

Feeling better already and my legs are burning, I must have been doing something right :)

      PS: new favorite exercise is the SQUAT :)

I will try to post more often but between school, work, and actually trying to get workout in that I can blog about, it gets a little crazy.

Week O' Suck

Yep, that's right folks, this week was THE SUCK in terms of exercise and clean eating.
Today was supposed to be DAY ONE of being really serious (because you know, last month when I was dripping sweat increasing my miles on the treadmill, I was just kidding)...But all of my *guys* bailed on our scheduled gym trip and then DH couldn't keep up when we went hiking. {smirk}

So...I'm going to post what I plan to do for the coming week and I believe that will keep me accountable.

• record all my food and exercise at my fitness pal. Stay at or under calorie intake with an emphasis on complex carbs and protein.
• Sat., June 2: run 4 miles/1 hr, weight training (calves, shoulders, lats, abs).
• Sun., June 3: run 4 miles/1 hr, weight training (bicep, tricep, abs), bike ride
• Mon., June 4: "rest" day (so the following is for fun and sort of optional but not really:) bike, & gym with the guys,Killington Boot Camp 530pm
• Tue., June 5: run 4 miles/1 hr, weight training (lats, pecs, abs)
• Wed., June 6: run 4 miles/1 hr, weights (glutes, shoulders, abs), yoga with live drumming! 7pm
• Thu., June 7: "rest" day? but that's not going to work for me, Nia dance class 530pm
• Fri., June 8: yoga 9am; run 4 miles/1hr, weights (thighs & calves, abs, glutes)
• ALSO any hiking I can get in with or without the dogs, and kayaking at the lake with Matt.

Swimming is now absolutely effing OUT even though I really wanted to, thanks to this lovely piece of news.

In other news, I did register for the Sunset Series today...first 5k is scheduled for Tuesday, June 12. 
YaY!

maybe some improvement...

if not, here's a record to compare to future improvement.

nothing like Miss Hot Pants:

I'm feeling pretty tired...maybe pms'ing. {smh}


Disgusted. Almost a month and no change at all.  I bought  bunch of clothes at Salvation Army, the Mission & Camille's and nothing fits. Almost nothing. Argh.
What changes have I already made, what more am I willing to make, where am I failing??  What else can I do...
I drink exclusively water now. On May 7 I began running again (shuffling!) and completed 3.31 miles in an hour.  I've worked out amost every day since then, or about 5x per week, and am around 4 miles in an hour in a little under a month.
One thing I can't do is give up.
In a perfect world, I want to get down to 125# and size 5.
In an acceptable world, 160# and size 10 would make me happy and that's my goal, plus the 5 miles in an hour, by the end of August.
Someday! Tummy tuck & breast reduction.
If I can stop eating after 6pm 5 nights a week, that will be an improvement. Maybe I'll go for that for now, and dessert night will be Saturday, like at Kripalu.

Deer Leap completed!

Proof. This morning I rode 10.5 miles on the bike in 50 minutes; allergies were awful and there were two dead chipmunks.
Then I came home, took some allergy meds, and headed out with Kato to hike Deer Leap.  I don't know if I'd call it "easy"...it was a lot of uphill and mostly rock and because I kept Kato on lead, because it was crowded, he pulled me the whole time. No, no!
It was quite a beautiful hike though and I'm glad I did it.  Wish James had joined me.

Next up: Delaware & Hudson Rail Trail, starting in Castleton.

So pleased that Pippy is here and that she went to the gym with me...I realized pretty quickly that it would be quite ridiculous to compete against her.  I'll never be 23 years younger than I am.  But I can compete against myself, and keep pushing to be my own personal 44-year-old best.  In that vein, I completed 4 miles in an hour (which I think is the recommended speed for WALKING, lol). Nevertheless, there were many sprints in there and incline speed walking. So I felt pretty good.

The best part was thinking about how lucky I am to have Pip for my best friend.  So blessed that she is willing to travel hours to come spend some time with her Momma; and comparing it (ugh! can't help it!) to my relationship with my own mom, which mostly consists of eating and drinking, have to believe that I haven't failed completely. When Erin and I are together, we run, hike, kayak, and snuggle. And she's 21...that age when she's supposed to be done with me.

~feeling good today~

Blissipline

I went into the gym today feeling really strong, even though I did a bunch of exercise yesterday + didn't sleep well last night.  I wound up walking-jogging-running 3.85 miles in an hour. I enjoyed this blissful sensation of my legs being so strong and light, of feeling like I could run forever. The sweating didn't bother me at all. I'm feeling happy because in just a few weeks I've gone from doing nothing to doing a lot.  I believe I absolutely can and will get to five miles by August 31.  For the month of June, I'm going to focus on four miles in an hour, and making more of it running and less of it walking. :-)

I think I will participate in this.

by the numbers...

I get such a kick out of numbers and maths...,so just for the heck of it...I've completed 13 workouts in 17 days (since I began early in May) (huh, i thought it was more)...and in those 13 workouts I've completed 51.64 miles (that's walking, running & biking)...that's just a little under 4 miles per, on average. I can still do a LOT more. Then maybe I will see some results. :-)

Today I lifted weights for 30 minutes, biked 7.7 miles in 40 minutes, and hiked the New Boston trail as far as the Logan shelter, with the dogs, in 45 minutes.
I want to join the Green Mountain Club with the hope of eventually hiking the entire Long Trail & maybe someday! even working on the LT.
These are the hikes I have done since moving to Vermont in Feb of 2008, besides an assortment of shorter unnamed wanderings...
Griffith Lake (the long hike, 6 miles on way)
Prospect Rock (really beautiful, I went without a camera.)
Freedley Quarry (ah, back in the day!! camped there in the SNOW!)
Lye Brook Waterfall (first major hike to a waterfall after Cam's 2006 fall...I was alarmed the whole time)
White Rocks (never could find the ice caves...)
Whoops, I also hiked the Bald Mountain Trail with Kato (in a poor choice of footwear)...
Hapgood Pond (the loop around the pond itself) &
Rocky Pond, at Pine Hills, with Malaina... :-)
I'd like to do a lot more hiking.
The two hikes I absolutely WILL do, come hell or high water, are Deer Leap & I really want to hike clear over Mt. Aeolus, from East Dorset to Dorset, and then bike back around through Manchester to my truck, which I will have left in East Dorset.  There are a few different trails that lead over Mt. Aeolus, and, given my notoriously poor sense of direction, I will need to have a hand-held GPS before I attempt that hike.
I also want to do Mt Equinox, which I have previously done parts of...

I am a girl on the go...stoked to do EVERYTHING!!!

so happy that Pippy posted! :-)
I'm going to order Eat Clean next time I have some extra cash.

Well. I am posting Meem!

Power walked down Beach Ln, Dune Rd and back up the opposing bridge yesterday.
Feeling frusterated that after a month of running I see no change in my legs.ugh.
Trying this power walking idea instead of giving up, which is what I usually do when I feel like working out isn't paying off.

Oh, and can't stay away from bread-like products lately, since I have also deprived myself of all the foods I love for a month without seeing results.

What am I doing wrong:   : /

Last night's run was interrupted not once but TWICE by a blown fuse, apparently...aggravating.
Today, a hike with Malaina, trying again to run at the gym, and maybe Boot Camp

well looks like i'm going to be the only one posting here. :-/
This morning, 45 minutes of weights...i LOVE lifting weights. :-) Then off to the gym, 3.5 miles in an hour. Mostly walking but I did run 3/4 of a mile. That's a first worth celebrating.
Today interested in this:
Boot Camp!
We'll need a second vehicle for that to happen.
I would like to link to the Vermont Sun Triathlon Series, but every time I try, the link locks up. So. You can google it if you're interested. MAYBE i could be ready for the August Tri, or else just plan for next year.

Motivation

3 miles today in 45 min, I think. Definitely 2 miles in 30 min. Getting faster. :-)
then about 45 min of Nia dance class, which i was about zero interested in...gave it about 10% effort. :-(

Not a great week for working out but next week will be better.

edit: 3.3 miles in 52 minutes. Felt great. :-)

I went to the gym this evening. I'm not normally an evening exerciser but Pippy is inspiring me, despite her lack of posts.
So I was totally jamming, running faster than usual, sweating my ass off, feeling strong, at 2.75 miles/40 minutes and then what? The flipping treadmill cut off. Dang. Not worth it to go to another TM for the last quarter mile.
Came home to some sad new, cried a bit...Gotta pump things up for next week. But I'm psyched to see a bunch of pals this week. :-)

I was pretty tired this morning. Got up, drank coffee, wrote, and then went back to sleep. ?!?
Sooo...then I got up late to take the clients to the gym. :-/
But I got thru 2.5 miles (in 43 minutes, i might as well have been lying down on the treadmill!)
and now back at home. Gonna watch a movie with the old man and then maybe take the dogs for a hike. Maybe.

Plan for the Week:

This is the exercise routine I plan to achieve this week.  No boredom so far since as yet I am still pushing, modifying, increasing, improving.

Sun: one hr Nia dance, 6 mile bike (optional)
Mon: 3 miles run, 6 mile bike (optional)
Tue: one hr yoga, 3 miles run
Wed: 6 mile bike, upper body weights, 3 mile run
Thu: swim (this is new. not sure how far/how long); one hr Nia dance
Fri: 45 min yoga, 3 mile run

5.11.12

woo first blogging experience. (my mother is an expert)

so, yesturday's run was awesome! I almost did not even go out. Standing in my closet looking in the mirror thinking "why the hell not?!"got me out the door. pushed hard and felt great afterwards. Funny thing is that today, the day after, feels better than any other day after. I love to run. Love love. Something about the repetition of my feet on hard ground + panting like a dog + sweat dripping off my face makes me feel totally strong like nothing else ever has.

Summary of the Week

~me after run/walking three miles this morning~

I probably won't be able to work out tomorrow because I "work" from 7am to 4pm.  However maybe I can hike with the dogs in the evening.

So here's what I did this week:
Mon 5.7.12: 3.31 miles/60 min on the treadmill at the gym; bike from home to Stewart's to Washington St and back home...maybe close to a mile.
Tue 5.8.12: 2.3 miles at the gym
Wed 5.9.12: walk Duke 1 mile; hike with Kato & Mesa 40 min; upper body weights 20 min; bike 5.93 miles in 40 min; 2.75 miles/50 min on the treadmill
Thur 5.10.12: Nia dance class 60 min
Fri 5.11.12: 45 min yoga class; 3 miles/50 min treadmill

I've always set goals for myself that I've failed to achieve. Here is something I'm newly stoked about:
the Spartan Race {an obstacle course, locally 13 miles}...I need to develop a solid training plan for this.
And something I've wanted to complete for oh, about 15 years now:
the Mighty North Fork. Pretty confident that I can do it, if I train all year. I'll have to rent a "real" bike to use, since mine is 25 years old {and well loved}.

5.9.12

Yep, rambunctious, that's us. Welcome to the rabid rumpus of radiant redheads, a mother-n-daughter team, bffs, recording herein our long-distance praxis and progress towards renewal! :-) Silly Momma. 

So today I have done no less than kick my own ass: walk 3 blocks with Duke, 40-minute hike with Kato & Mesa at the Notch, lifting weights for 40 min (primarily arms), and then 2.75 miles on the treadmill (that took a dismal 50 min...I used to run five miles in an hour. Years ago. :-/ )  I'll check the mileage on the Duke walk a little later, maybe. {edited: checked the mileage for Duke's walk: 1 mile!}

Pix & linky-love to come!